July 15 2007

I’m as proud as the next Canadian over getting a gold medal at the Pan Am Games but I can remember when mountain biking is what you did to get to your event.

When did swimming 10 kilometers in garbage strewn water qualify as a sport? Hearing the winners on the podium saying “It was OK I had my shots before” should be left to the weightlifters. Swimming 10 kms in polluted water is not a sport it is what you do when your boat sinks in Lake Erie.

David Beckham is not the fastest player, isn’t the best in traffic, has a tendency to get injured and is past his prime. I’m still not convinced he wasn’t signed by the Toronto Maple Leafs.

Not sure which was larger, the American audience for the quarter final game that knocked them out of the Under 20 Soccer World Cup or the number of people watching a thigh master re-run.

The US military is said to be excited at having their weapons used as evil robots in the Transformers movie. Pentagon officials said they got the idea by watching commercials of the NBA featuring Ron Artest and Stephen Jackson.

A spokesperson for United Technologies Paul Jackson said “Did monkeys get a bad reputation for buzzing Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz.”. This comment has outraged comics everywhere because if they keep talking like that we will be “Out of work”.

In what has to be a brilliant cross marketing promotion the Hamilton Tiger Cats have teamed up with a comedy club. Feel free to fill in your own punch line…

In order to keep the Champ Car Grand Prix of Edmonton organizers had to re-route the course so that the finish line was at the departures level of the Airport.

Officials with PETA are furious at the number of horses that have died this year at the Calgary Stampede although they did find a bright spot. They are pleased to see the Stampeders are not subjecting their horse to as many touchdown runs this year.

Quarterback Dave Dickenson of the BC Lions was so disoriented after his latest concussion he almost went to cash his cheque at the wrong bank.

With the injury to Michael Bishop, Damon Allen moves to the back-up position for Toronto just ahead of Russ Jackson and Ron Lancaster.

It is with great sadness I heard of the death of John Ferguson after a courageous battle with cancer. Growing up a Toronto Maple Leafs fan (but thankfully reformed) John was the one member of the Montreal Canadians I secretly cheered for. He couldn’t skate too well, had a mediocre shot and took up the game late in his childhood… which gave me hope. To this day I still remember his autobiography and the advice he gave us kids. Don’t leave your beer in the trunk, it will freeze.