Desperately Seeking Scout

One of the things Michael Vick can look forward to in prison is he will probably be the pick of the litter.

Mongolian Sumo Wrestler Asashoryu has reportedly been diagnosed with a nervous breakdown after being disciplined for not attending a tournament. This is the most serious meltdown of an adult in diapers since Lisa Nowak of NASA.

With the NHL unveiling the new form fitting jerseys there hasn’t been this much interest in tight sweaters since Jessica Alba said she was chilly.

David Ortiz is putting his $200,000 Mercedes up for auction on E-Bay and will drive it to your house if your bid is accepted. Word is NY Yankee shortstop Derek Jeter is interested as long as he can pick the day and place it is to be delivered.

The ball hit by Barry Bonds to break Hank Aarons home run record is going on E-Bay in what is being touted as a Big Ball Event, which is ironic since most balls affected by steroids get smaller.

Organizers of a marathon race in Scotland around the fabled home of the Loch Ness Monster have taken out a $2 million dollar insurance policy in case a participant is eaten during the event. This is not only a record amount spent on a monster insurance policy but the most money ever wasted by a Scotsman.

After watching a DVD of the 1972 Canada-Russia Hockey Series the biggest question Team Canada’s junior players had was “how could they skate with those big muttonchops?

You would think one of the NBA General Managers would think about hiring Eva Longeria to be a European scout because you have to admit she has an eye for talent. The NBA says its next big expansion will be in Europe once they find away around the anti-terrorism laws that won’t allow some of the NBA players back into the US once they have left. There was talk of expansion to Mexico but then they realized they already had 2 teams in Los Angles.

The Vancouver Canucks re-signed Trevor Linden for his 18th season in the NHL. Linden says he hopes he can play as long as some of the idols he worshipped growing up as a kid like Chris Chellios.

NY Giants quarterback Eli Manning and former Giant Tiki Barber are in a dust-up over comments Barber made that questioned Mannings lack of fire. Asked to comment Manning said “yeah well how many Super Bowl rings does his brother have?”