Playing Handball on the Web

Scientists were amazed to discover the planet Uranus has acquired a new ring in the past 20 years thus doubling the output of the Toronto Maple Leafs.

Kirk Radomski the ex Mets clubhouse attendant has been interviewed by the Mitchell commission on steroid use and the findings are said to be explosive. The case first came to light when it was discovered Kirk was selling a glass of juice in the clubhouse for $400 or about the same as a NY Hotel mini-bar. The names mentioned by Kirk are not yet out because when you are on steroids it’s sometimes hard to get a leak.

Peyton Manning is defending his brother Eli after comments by ex NY Giants running back and now TV commentator Tiki Barber questioned his leadership abilities. Payton says players that become commentators like to break the code by criticizing their former teammates, but to be honest the code is not really an enigma to anyone watching the Giants.

Rory Sabatini grabbed the first round lead of the Fed Ex Cup and now has a mathematical chance to be as confused as everyone else about the scoring system.

Ex Toronto Maple Leaf Jim Pappin had his 1967 Stanley Cup Ring found on a beach in Florida. The ring headed south like so many other Snowbirds to the warmer climate and a chance to see the Cup again.

Saskatchewan Roughrider Gene Makowsky is recovering from a bout of mononucleosis and is trying to tell his wife he caught the “kissing disease” congratulating Kerry Joseph for a touchdown pass. It took a while to diagnose the disease characterized by a sluggishness and lack of energy because he plays on the offensive line.

Arizona Diamondbacks pitcher Brendon Webb had gone over 4 weeks without talking to his manager because he didn’t want to jinx his scoreless inning streak. This is in contrast to major league players wives who go long periods not talking to their husbands because they score too often.

A report on the conduct of former NHLPA president Ted Saskin is finished but will take a couple of weeks to be delivered to all the players as they feel a bit jittery sending it out on email.

The NY Yankees decided not to use Joba Chamberlain in a game because the day before he had thrown 9 pitches. Yankee officials later said it might have only been 9 pitches but from the dugout it felt like he was out there forever.

NBC is going to be showing a record amount of the 2008 Summer Olympics on line and have acquired all of the links necessary except for a dispute over the rights to the handball site, currently in other hands.