Saskatchewan Roughriders coach Kent Austin has quit taking a position as offensive co-ordinator with Mississippi State University. This is the second time Austin has left Saskatchewan after winning the Grey Cup thus putting lie to the slogan winners never quit. Austin says his decision was family related and wants to leave the door open to come back and quit again.
A 14 year old girl was booed by fans in Indianapolis when she entered the punt, pass and kick competition in a New England jersey. Asked to comment the girl says she now knows how Jessica Simpson feels when she wears a Cowboys jersey in Dallas. The owner of the New England Patriots says he will invite the girl to be a part of the team during next week’s game either by being in the coin toss, standing on the sidelines or operating the video camera.
The NCAA has opened up the possibility to Canadian Universities to join them in the upcoming year. This could help the Universities get access to better training, equipment and drug masking. When asked what this would do to the CIS competition most people responding said it shouldn’t affect our spy agency.
The Calgary SAIT Trojans are considering joining the NCAA and if they do it could set up a game against the UCLA Trojans the ultimate rubber match.
The CFL has raised the salary cap $150,000 to $4.2 million and have loosened rules governing meal allowances, which make it possible for players to super size their orders.
The San Francisco Giants were criticized by MLB commissioner Bud Selig for not reporting suspicions over the drug use of Barry Bonds. The Giants were apologetic with a spokesman saying next time they will try to give the league a heads up for suspicious signs.
The people in charge of drug testing for MLB say they have the situation under control and offered to give each member of the committee a coupon for a free hot dog and coke at their next game.
With the rash of 1 year contracts being given to players in the baseball off season you wonder if the owners are looking to see if the players have an expiry date. When asked how long it takes steroids to leave the system a spokesperson for a drug company said 1 to 2 years depending on the length of the contract extension.
A new drug for a condition called “restless leg syndrome” is reported to have side effects that include sexual promiscuity and increased gambling or as pro sports teams call it “road trip”. Asked to comment Travis Henry said “that’s it, I have restless leg syndrome”. This may explain why former Los Angeles Rams receiver “Crazy Legs” Hirsh was always smiling.
Randy Moss has denied reports he battered a female companion. In his favour there are no witnesses and he claims his innocence. In her favour she has a part time job as a videographer for the Patriots. Moss says the only thing he is guilty of in a court of law is an accident. If the defence works Roger Clemens will say he accidently fell on syringes... from 1999-2007.
After taking a wicked slap shot off the shoulder in a shootout from Dion Pnaneuf, Minnesota Wild goalie Backstrom might give the blame to Brian Rolston who likes to do the same to opposing goalies. It might have been the reason he couldn’t raise his arm to stop the winner from Iginla.
The Miami Dolphins have announced the hiring of Tony Saprano as their head coach. His first act was to have the offensive line whacked. The good news for the players is he comes with tons of experience the bad new training camp has been moved to an abandoned warehouse in New Jersey.
Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo is lobbying for entry into the Pebble Beach Pro-Am golf tourney. This is a co-incidence because all of Texas wants to tee off on him and his girlfriend Jessica Simpson.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
You Dirty Rat
Oscar Pistorius a double amputee who uses artificial legs to run with has been denied entry into the Olympic Games. IOC officials say the sprinter has an unfair advantage and it is important all athletes compete on a level playing field, except for those who use drugs. The IOC is worried letting Oscar run would open the door and the next thing you know the six million dollar man would want to be entered in the pentathlon.
The Toronto Blue Jays have traded often injured Troy Glaus for often injured Scott Rolen of the St. Louis Cardinals. The trade was contingent upon each player finding a Doctor who could keep a straight face and clear them to play.
The Calgary Flames have signed Curtis Joseph to a pro-rated contract which is a far better rating than the defence is getting. Cujo now gives the Flames a goalie controversy to round out the lack of secondary scoring and immobile defence. Asked why he didn’t take the offer in Toronto Cujo said “I was retired not retarded”.
The Toronto Maple Leafs are looking to hire an experienced GM to turn around the fortunes of the team. Early word was Scotty Bowman and Cliff Fletcher had the inside track until news a group of scientists successfully revived a dead heart which puts Sam Pollack back into the race.
People are calling for a complete demolition of the team which might mean Mike Holmes is the man for the job.
A virologist has determined that Christopher Columbus brought back syphilis from his trip to the New World. The data was collected using patterns obtained from NBA road trips.
A fossilized rat weighing more than 1 ton has been discovered in rock formations in Uruguay. This is the largest rat ever found and eclipses the previous record found in the Mitchell report.
The Toronto Blue Jays have traded often injured Troy Glaus for often injured Scott Rolen of the St. Louis Cardinals. The trade was contingent upon each player finding a Doctor who could keep a straight face and clear them to play.
The Calgary Flames have signed Curtis Joseph to a pro-rated contract which is a far better rating than the defence is getting. Cujo now gives the Flames a goalie controversy to round out the lack of secondary scoring and immobile defence. Asked why he didn’t take the offer in Toronto Cujo said “I was retired not retarded”.
The Toronto Maple Leafs are looking to hire an experienced GM to turn around the fortunes of the team. Early word was Scotty Bowman and Cliff Fletcher had the inside track until news a group of scientists successfully revived a dead heart which puts Sam Pollack back into the race.
People are calling for a complete demolition of the team which might mean Mike Holmes is the man for the job.
A virologist has determined that Christopher Columbus brought back syphilis from his trip to the New World. The data was collected using patterns obtained from NBA road trips.
A fossilized rat weighing more than 1 ton has been discovered in rock formations in Uruguay. This is the largest rat ever found and eclipses the previous record found in the Mitchell report.
Monday, January 14, 2008
Not that Desperate Housewives
The Washington Capitals signed Alexander Ovechkin to a 13 year $125 million contract. It sounds like a lot but look how much they will save in playoff bonuses.
Roger Clemens spoke to 1000 college baseball coaches this weekend. He talked about pitching, conditioning and the need to find a trainer who is mute. Clemens told some jokes and was in a good mood saying the key to life is to be honest and open with almost everyone.
What’s with all the tears lately? Hillary Clinton cries and she wins, Terrel Owens cries when he loses and Toronto Maple Leaf fans cry when they are playing. When told that crying is a political asset Mark Messier broke down and admitted he is thing of running for office.
OJ Simpson was sent to jail for violating terms of his release on armed robbery charges by allegedly threatening a witness. Simpson says he is innocent and treated the man with kid gloves, which didn’t fit by the way.
Sir Edmund Hillary the first man to conquer Mt. Everest died this week. Sir Edmund was one of the few athletes to actually make good on the pick-up line “I’ll climb the highest mountain for you”.
With the Dakar Rally cancelled because of threats of terrorists the sport is looking to find other challenging courses to take its place. Suggestions include Budapest Romania to Bamako Mali, San Paulo Brazil to Mexico City Mexico and Suburban Toronto to Downtown Toronto during rush hour.
A feng shui expert says getting out of bed on the left side will give you a better start to the day. Dallas Cowboy fans know it really doesn’t matter what way you get out as long as Jessica Simpson isn’t on the other side.
NY Knicks coach Isiah Thomas says he would never quit on his team but it’s pretty obvious the feeling isn’t mutual. Thomas recently signed a long term extension and says he will do anything to help the team short of letting them out of his contract.
Scientists in the US have successfully brought a dead heart back to life. This is a stunning achievement and gives hope to doctors, patients and fans of the Miami Dolphins.
Who would have guessed you would be adding Indianapolis and Dallas to the Bucket List?
The Australian Open has changed its court surface to something they call “True Blue”. Meanwhile the Green Bay Packers have no plans to replace their turf which they call “Snow White”.
The CBC has a new show called MVP where the owner of a Toronto professional hockey team is seen looking over the package of her new highly touted draft pick. This is obviously fiction because if Toronto had a chance for a highly touted draft prospect they would have already traded him for a couple of over the hill journeymen. The show centres on a fictional hockey league and the wives of the players. Fictional or not none of the actresses would agree to be a part of the team from Edmonton.
Roger Clemens spoke to 1000 college baseball coaches this weekend. He talked about pitching, conditioning and the need to find a trainer who is mute. Clemens told some jokes and was in a good mood saying the key to life is to be honest and open with almost everyone.
What’s with all the tears lately? Hillary Clinton cries and she wins, Terrel Owens cries when he loses and Toronto Maple Leaf fans cry when they are playing. When told that crying is a political asset Mark Messier broke down and admitted he is thing of running for office.
OJ Simpson was sent to jail for violating terms of his release on armed robbery charges by allegedly threatening a witness. Simpson says he is innocent and treated the man with kid gloves, which didn’t fit by the way.
Sir Edmund Hillary the first man to conquer Mt. Everest died this week. Sir Edmund was one of the few athletes to actually make good on the pick-up line “I’ll climb the highest mountain for you”.
With the Dakar Rally cancelled because of threats of terrorists the sport is looking to find other challenging courses to take its place. Suggestions include Budapest Romania to Bamako Mali, San Paulo Brazil to Mexico City Mexico and Suburban Toronto to Downtown Toronto during rush hour.
A feng shui expert says getting out of bed on the left side will give you a better start to the day. Dallas Cowboy fans know it really doesn’t matter what way you get out as long as Jessica Simpson isn’t on the other side.
NY Knicks coach Isiah Thomas says he would never quit on his team but it’s pretty obvious the feeling isn’t mutual. Thomas recently signed a long term extension and says he will do anything to help the team short of letting them out of his contract.
Scientists in the US have successfully brought a dead heart back to life. This is a stunning achievement and gives hope to doctors, patients and fans of the Miami Dolphins.
Who would have guessed you would be adding Indianapolis and Dallas to the Bucket List?
The Australian Open has changed its court surface to something they call “True Blue”. Meanwhile the Green Bay Packers have no plans to replace their turf which they call “Snow White”.
The CBC has a new show called MVP where the owner of a Toronto professional hockey team is seen looking over the package of her new highly touted draft pick. This is obviously fiction because if Toronto had a chance for a highly touted draft prospect they would have already traded him for a couple of over the hill journeymen. The show centres on a fictional hockey league and the wives of the players. Fictional or not none of the actresses would agree to be a part of the team from Edmonton.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
IOC you in the Kitchen
Matts Sundin has denied asking for a trade from Toronto saying he wants to retire a Maple Leaf and enjoys having plenty of time to golf.
A couple of rumours on the internet are getting serious attention. One is that former FBI Director was black and another that current NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman has been at times right.
Toronto Raptors forward Chris Bosh has created a video to help him get elected to the All Star Game. If you listen closely his girlfriend can be heard in the background talking smack about the other contenders.
The US Presidential election is heating up with voters calling for change or as Toronto Maple Leafs GM John Ferguson Jr. calls it sacrilege.
Don Cherry is the subject of “Who Do You Think You Are?” a show which tells people about their ancestry. If you break Don’s ancestry down he is part Swedish part French Canadian.
Roberto Luongo won’t be playing in the All Star game saying he would rather see his pregnant wife get bigger than his goals against average.
After beating Finland 17-0 to get to the semi-finals of the Women’s World Under 18 Hockey Championships Canada showed the World what every Canadian man knows. Canadian women show no mercy! This is the worst beating administered by a Canadian Women’s team since Jean Chretien tried to go up against the Raging Grannies.
The International Olympic Committee will not allow women to compete in ski jumping at the 2010 Olympics in Vancouver. The IOC says it is based on technical merit and does not have anything to do with gender, so women everywhere can stop worrying their pretty little heads. The IOC will review the decision but will wait until it’s the right time of the month.
A couple of rumours on the internet are getting serious attention. One is that former FBI Director was black and another that current NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman has been at times right.
Toronto Raptors forward Chris Bosh has created a video to help him get elected to the All Star Game. If you listen closely his girlfriend can be heard in the background talking smack about the other contenders.
The US Presidential election is heating up with voters calling for change or as Toronto Maple Leafs GM John Ferguson Jr. calls it sacrilege.
Don Cherry is the subject of “Who Do You Think You Are?” a show which tells people about their ancestry. If you break Don’s ancestry down he is part Swedish part French Canadian.
Roberto Luongo won’t be playing in the All Star game saying he would rather see his pregnant wife get bigger than his goals against average.
After beating Finland 17-0 to get to the semi-finals of the Women’s World Under 18 Hockey Championships Canada showed the World what every Canadian man knows. Canadian women show no mercy! This is the worst beating administered by a Canadian Women’s team since Jean Chretien tried to go up against the Raging Grannies.
The International Olympic Committee will not allow women to compete in ski jumping at the 2010 Olympics in Vancouver. The IOC says it is based on technical merit and does not have anything to do with gender, so women everywhere can stop worrying their pretty little heads. The IOC will review the decision but will wait until it’s the right time of the month.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
The Katz Came Back!
It turns out the person taunting Cleveland Cavaliers star LeBron James was Toronto Raptors forward Chris Bosh’s girlfriend Alison. I guess this is a whole new meaning to giving a shout out to your man.
First it was Barry Bond’s former lover, then the Jessica Simpson saga and now the girlfriend of Chris Bosh. It seems the only athlete not having trouble with women is Travis Henry because he keeps them barefoot or pregnant.
Roger Clemens says he has to go on the offensive to protect his reputation. To him the best way to counter charges he has taken steroids apparently is to go berserk at a news conference. Just for the record Ghandi has a reputation, Martin Luther King Jr. has a reputation, Clemens has an ERA.
Teemu Selane says he will decide in two weeks weather to come out of self imposed retirement to play with the Anaheim Ducks. Teemu says the decision will be based on who cries the most, his newborn baby girl or Anaheim GM Brian Burke.
NY Yankees Andy Pettitte has not yet decided if he will testify before the U.S. Congress on steroid use next week. Pettitte is trying to get a deal where he talks before Clemens totally pisses the Committee off.
Soccer player Ever Banega recently signed by Valencia had a sexually explicit video of him posted to a site showing that Ever is ready. Ever has apologized to his teammates, not for offending them but for showing them up.
This summer the Edmonton Oilers couldn’t give enough money to people to come and play for them. Now they are turning down an offer from Daryl Katz who wants to buy the team for an over-inflated price and put in $100 million towards a new home for them? Come on people, if you have a Billionaire who owns a string of pharmacies even Roger Clemens would sign with you.
One great thing about Goose Gossage is you know the only drug he might have been on was extra strength Rogaine. The Hall of Fame voters have made a statement with Mark McGuire about how they will view players connected to steroids and it looks like the players will be getting it in the ass again.
NY Knicks star Jason Kidd recorded 3 triple doubles in losses this week which was matched by fans who ordered triples and double to celebrate.
First it was Barry Bond’s former lover, then the Jessica Simpson saga and now the girlfriend of Chris Bosh. It seems the only athlete not having trouble with women is Travis Henry because he keeps them barefoot or pregnant.
Roger Clemens says he has to go on the offensive to protect his reputation. To him the best way to counter charges he has taken steroids apparently is to go berserk at a news conference. Just for the record Ghandi has a reputation, Martin Luther King Jr. has a reputation, Clemens has an ERA.
Teemu Selane says he will decide in two weeks weather to come out of self imposed retirement to play with the Anaheim Ducks. Teemu says the decision will be based on who cries the most, his newborn baby girl or Anaheim GM Brian Burke.
NY Yankees Andy Pettitte has not yet decided if he will testify before the U.S. Congress on steroid use next week. Pettitte is trying to get a deal where he talks before Clemens totally pisses the Committee off.
Soccer player Ever Banega recently signed by Valencia had a sexually explicit video of him posted to a site showing that Ever is ready. Ever has apologized to his teammates, not for offending them but for showing them up.
This summer the Edmonton Oilers couldn’t give enough money to people to come and play for them. Now they are turning down an offer from Daryl Katz who wants to buy the team for an over-inflated price and put in $100 million towards a new home for them? Come on people, if you have a Billionaire who owns a string of pharmacies even Roger Clemens would sign with you.
One great thing about Goose Gossage is you know the only drug he might have been on was extra strength Rogaine. The Hall of Fame voters have made a statement with Mark McGuire about how they will view players connected to steroids and it looks like the players will be getting it in the ass again.
NY Knicks star Jason Kidd recorded 3 triple doubles in losses this week which was matched by fans who ordered triples and double to celebrate.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Testing...Testing...
Roger Clemens says he doesn’t give a “rat’s ass” about being inducted into the baseball Hall of Fame. A spokesperson for rats everywhere has issued a reply saying he should worry about his own ass.
After playing parts of a telephone conversation with his trainer Clemens finally came clean and said he was being sponsored by Clearnet.
Clemens says Macnamee shouldn’t think about coming to see him because his family is really angry and worse they have been following his own training regime.
A book about movie star Tom Cruise says he impregnated his wife with frozen sperm from Church of Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard. When told about this Denver Bronco’s running back Travis Henry said “Hey I was free that weekend”.
Former Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick has been transferred to a new prison to begin drug rehabilitation treatment. The treatment is specially designed to help people make get off drugs, avoid making bad choices and stop throwing into double coverage.
The City of New York was inundated by a foul odour this week. Sources say possible causes were a sewage treatment problem, broken water mains or the skeletons in the closet of the NY Yankees.
Panasonic has unveiled the world’s largest flat screen TV. Company officials say the picture quality is so good you can see the needle marks on most professional athletes.
Although the screen is 150 inches it is still can’t fit all the egos on NFL Countdown. The only glitch with the TV for hockey fans is the automatic colour control sensor which shuts the TV down when Don Cherry comes on. The TV is proving a hit for divorce lawyers who have a nickname for it “Exhibit A”.
Despite only losing 1 game in regulation in the last 15 the Calgary Flames will not be on Hockey Night in Canada in the month of January. A spokesperson with the CBC says it’s not their fault the schedule doesn’t allow then to play the Maple Leafs more often.
Ottawa Senators goalie Ray Emery got into a fight during practice with tough guy Brian McGrattan. The fight was quickly broken up after teammates reminded Emery it could affect his modelling career.
Shaquille O’Neil has returned home to get some treatment on his injured hip. O’Neil says he hopes to get back to playing better than ever once he finishes the workout regiment prescribed by his new trainer Brian Macnamee.
The Green Bay Packers have given GM Ted Thompson a 5 year contract extension. Thompson was pleased with the terms of the deal which will allow him to stick around while quarterback Brett Favre matures.
A bear in a German Zoo has eaten her own cub. There is a name for this condition; it is called being a Buffalo Bills quarterback.
French company MDI Enterprises has developed an automobile that runs on compressed air. They say this is just a prototype for the next generation of vehicles to be called the Roger-K Cars which will run on hot air and bluster.
67 year old Washington Redskins coach Joe Gibbs has decided to call it quits. Age was a factor with Gibbs saying the success of Brett Favre and Vinnie Testaverte he has convinced him to get into shape and try out for the team next year.
After #2 Louisiana beat #1Ohio State in the BCS Bowl it proved without a doubt that #3 Michigan deserves to be College football champions. The only thing more confusing than the College football ranking system is the Toronto Maple Leafs scouting system.
Acting on recommendations in the Mitchell Report, Major League Baseball will crack down on clubhouse security. Among the changes: Teams will no longer be notified the night before drug testing personnel arrive, all clubs must have a designated area in home and visiting clubhouses for tests to be collected and each club will be limited to 2 designated testers per team.
China has released results from their drug test and they are happy with the results. Tests showed only 15 athletes were positive for banned substances and most of those were weightlifters that showed increased levels of lead.
After playing parts of a telephone conversation with his trainer Clemens finally came clean and said he was being sponsored by Clearnet.
Clemens says Macnamee shouldn’t think about coming to see him because his family is really angry and worse they have been following his own training regime.
A book about movie star Tom Cruise says he impregnated his wife with frozen sperm from Church of Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard. When told about this Denver Bronco’s running back Travis Henry said “Hey I was free that weekend”.
Former Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick has been transferred to a new prison to begin drug rehabilitation treatment. The treatment is specially designed to help people make get off drugs, avoid making bad choices and stop throwing into double coverage.
The City of New York was inundated by a foul odour this week. Sources say possible causes were a sewage treatment problem, broken water mains or the skeletons in the closet of the NY Yankees.
Panasonic has unveiled the world’s largest flat screen TV. Company officials say the picture quality is so good you can see the needle marks on most professional athletes.
Although the screen is 150 inches it is still can’t fit all the egos on NFL Countdown. The only glitch with the TV for hockey fans is the automatic colour control sensor which shuts the TV down when Don Cherry comes on. The TV is proving a hit for divorce lawyers who have a nickname for it “Exhibit A”.
Despite only losing 1 game in regulation in the last 15 the Calgary Flames will not be on Hockey Night in Canada in the month of January. A spokesperson with the CBC says it’s not their fault the schedule doesn’t allow then to play the Maple Leafs more often.
Ottawa Senators goalie Ray Emery got into a fight during practice with tough guy Brian McGrattan. The fight was quickly broken up after teammates reminded Emery it could affect his modelling career.
Shaquille O’Neil has returned home to get some treatment on his injured hip. O’Neil says he hopes to get back to playing better than ever once he finishes the workout regiment prescribed by his new trainer Brian Macnamee.
The Green Bay Packers have given GM Ted Thompson a 5 year contract extension. Thompson was pleased with the terms of the deal which will allow him to stick around while quarterback Brett Favre matures.
A bear in a German Zoo has eaten her own cub. There is a name for this condition; it is called being a Buffalo Bills quarterback.
French company MDI Enterprises has developed an automobile that runs on compressed air. They say this is just a prototype for the next generation of vehicles to be called the Roger-K Cars which will run on hot air and bluster.
67 year old Washington Redskins coach Joe Gibbs has decided to call it quits. Age was a factor with Gibbs saying the success of Brett Favre and Vinnie Testaverte he has convinced him to get into shape and try out for the team next year.
After #2 Louisiana beat #1Ohio State in the BCS Bowl it proved without a doubt that #3 Michigan deserves to be College football champions. The only thing more confusing than the College football ranking system is the Toronto Maple Leafs scouting system.
Acting on recommendations in the Mitchell Report, Major League Baseball will crack down on clubhouse security. Among the changes: Teams will no longer be notified the night before drug testing personnel arrive, all clubs must have a designated area in home and visiting clubhouses for tests to be collected and each club will be limited to 2 designated testers per team.
China has released results from their drug test and they are happy with the results. Tests showed only 15 athletes were positive for banned substances and most of those were weightlifters that showed increased levels of lead.
Monday, January 7, 2008
Roger and Out!
Former Formula 1 owner Alex Shnaider is said to be interested in purchasing the Toronto Maple Leafs. Shnaider says that although he has no hockey experience he is familiar with spinning his wheels and going around in circles.
After losing another game when leading after 2 periods, the Toronto Maple Leafs have asked the competition committee to change the game to 2-30 minute periods.
Roger Clemens says he will testify at a hearing on steroid use in baseball as long as it doesn’t conflict with his other obligations. In trying to determine a date Clemens says Feb. 30th and Sept. 31 are possible.
Top 3 New Year’s resolutions for MLB.
#3 Hire only mute clubhouse attendants
#2 Institute mandatory drug testing for fans of the Tampa Bay Devils and NY Mets
#1 New Commissioner Jose Canseco
After seeing what happened to the guy that taunted the tiger in San Diego you would think the Toronto Raptors would have left Cleveland Cavaliers LeBron James alone. Instead they too got mauled.
Roger Clemens and the trainer that blew the whistle on his drug use Brian Mcnamee had an hour long phone call. Sources close to Clemens say the conversation didn’t clear up their differences and there are no plans to put each other on their favourite 5 plans. Clemens was particularly upset that Mcnamee refused to go to jail for him saying “you have to learn to take one for the team”.
Clemens says he will appear for testimony but only if he can bring a reliever for when the questions get tough.
Jeremy Roenick is quoted saying “the whole organization would be on suicide watch” if they didn’t have such a great road record. Toronto Maple Leafs GM John Ferguson Jr. was unavailable for comment although the Doctors did give him back his shoelaces.
Watching Sweden get into the Junior Hockey gold medal game after years of mediocrity I guess you could say their program is Bjorn again.
The Boston Red Sox brought the World Series trophy to Nova Scotia. The team wanted to thank the fans for cheering for them despite the fact Toronto has a team. If the Red Sox had done their homework they would have found out almost every city in Canada cheers against Toronto, it’s who we are.
A recent study says men have a better sense of humour than women because of our elevated testosterone levels. If that was the case you would think Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens would have a future in comedy.
Calgary Flames defenseman Dion Phaneuf has reportedly turned down a 5 year $30 million contract offer. Dion says he is waiting to see how much he can make once the NHL GM’s brains take the month of July off. Dion is one of the game’s best young defenseman and will undoubtedly be able to play the 50 minutes a game that will be required of him once he takes up 60% of the salary cap. It must be the new way kids spell but I can’t remember seeing an I in greed.
I’m not sure if Roger Clemens is getting good advice. First he says he wasn’t injected with drugs, and then he says he was but they were just vitamins and now he is saying he did but he didn’t inhale.
The Miami Dolphins are said to be interested in hiring Dallas Cowboys assistant coach Tony Sparano. Now there’s an offer he really should refuse. If they fail to land him sources say the next move is to draft Big Pussy for left tackle.
Rick Hartmann is looking to file a lawsuit saying he was unable to crack the big leagues of baseball because he did not take steroids. Former teammates say he had all the tools and was one shot away from getting his shot. A spokesman for MLB says the suit is groundless and any player that really wanted to be a big leaguer would have taken the drugs and lied like the rest of them.
A major scandal in the new reality show American Gladiator when a contestant tested negative for steroids. Sources close to the show says he was just mocking the dedication of the other athletes.
After losing another game when leading after 2 periods, the Toronto Maple Leafs have asked the competition committee to change the game to 2-30 minute periods.
Roger Clemens says he will testify at a hearing on steroid use in baseball as long as it doesn’t conflict with his other obligations. In trying to determine a date Clemens says Feb. 30th and Sept. 31 are possible.
Top 3 New Year’s resolutions for MLB.
#3 Hire only mute clubhouse attendants
#2 Institute mandatory drug testing for fans of the Tampa Bay Devils and NY Mets
#1 New Commissioner Jose Canseco
After seeing what happened to the guy that taunted the tiger in San Diego you would think the Toronto Raptors would have left Cleveland Cavaliers LeBron James alone. Instead they too got mauled.
Roger Clemens and the trainer that blew the whistle on his drug use Brian Mcnamee had an hour long phone call. Sources close to Clemens say the conversation didn’t clear up their differences and there are no plans to put each other on their favourite 5 plans. Clemens was particularly upset that Mcnamee refused to go to jail for him saying “you have to learn to take one for the team”.
Clemens says he will appear for testimony but only if he can bring a reliever for when the questions get tough.
Jeremy Roenick is quoted saying “the whole organization would be on suicide watch” if they didn’t have such a great road record. Toronto Maple Leafs GM John Ferguson Jr. was unavailable for comment although the Doctors did give him back his shoelaces.
Watching Sweden get into the Junior Hockey gold medal game after years of mediocrity I guess you could say their program is Bjorn again.
The Boston Red Sox brought the World Series trophy to Nova Scotia. The team wanted to thank the fans for cheering for them despite the fact Toronto has a team. If the Red Sox had done their homework they would have found out almost every city in Canada cheers against Toronto, it’s who we are.
A recent study says men have a better sense of humour than women because of our elevated testosterone levels. If that was the case you would think Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens would have a future in comedy.
Calgary Flames defenseman Dion Phaneuf has reportedly turned down a 5 year $30 million contract offer. Dion says he is waiting to see how much he can make once the NHL GM’s brains take the month of July off. Dion is one of the game’s best young defenseman and will undoubtedly be able to play the 50 minutes a game that will be required of him once he takes up 60% of the salary cap. It must be the new way kids spell but I can’t remember seeing an I in greed.
I’m not sure if Roger Clemens is getting good advice. First he says he wasn’t injected with drugs, and then he says he was but they were just vitamins and now he is saying he did but he didn’t inhale.
The Miami Dolphins are said to be interested in hiring Dallas Cowboys assistant coach Tony Sparano. Now there’s an offer he really should refuse. If they fail to land him sources say the next move is to draft Big Pussy for left tackle.
Rick Hartmann is looking to file a lawsuit saying he was unable to crack the big leagues of baseball because he did not take steroids. Former teammates say he had all the tools and was one shot away from getting his shot. A spokesman for MLB says the suit is groundless and any player that really wanted to be a big leaguer would have taken the drugs and lied like the rest of them.
A major scandal in the new reality show American Gladiator when a contestant tested negative for steroids. Sources close to the show says he was just mocking the dedication of the other athletes.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
