The National Lacrosse League has shut down for a year with management blaming the players for being stubborn. Who could have guessed that guys who get hit on the helmet for 60 minutes could be so hard headed? Management says the players should feel lucky they play in the same rink as Jerome Iginla, get treated like rock stars by their fans and don’t have to worry about stuff like taxes. The two sides were stuck on the length of term each indentured slave would have to work before he became a free man. Sources for the owners group are upset saying they will now need to pay to get their cotton picked.
You can tell Calgary is still feeling envious towards Toronto because after watching the Maple Leafs score an own goal on Monday they had to go one better than them and score 3 on themselves on Tuesday.
The NY Yankees may be looking for a new manager and say they will need someone who speaks the language of the players. An early favorite for the job is Chef Ramsay from Hells Kitchen.
The Calgary Flames have equaled a record for two goal games at the start of the season. This is the most times a player has scored a pair since Wilt Chamberlains early years.
Kobe Bryant has missed the first few days of practice fueling speculation he may be traded. Kobe denied the reports saying he was getting prepared for the upcoming season by practicing alone.
Saskatchewan Roughriders fullback Chris Szarka took off the tips of his fingers over the weekend in a freak carpentry accident. Chris says he never saw it coming.
Brett “The Hitman” Hart has a new book out and in early excerpts he admits to being unfaithful on the road but makes no mention of steroid use. Brett says he wants to come clean but it might be more interesting if he came clear. Brett also says his brothers are upset with him about revelations his father Stu Hart was abusive to the boys. It seems there was an understanding that what happens in the dungeon stayed in the dungeon.
The Calgary Flames are among the NHL teams trying out the new heated hockey blade. Team spokespersons say they hope the blade will prove effective as it will add more punch to their slogan “Fire on Ice”. Toronto Maple Leafs defenseman Bryan Mcabe must have been trying the new rechargeable blades out because after scoring an own goal against the Buffalo Sabres he was seen sticking his skate into an electrical outlet.
A spokesman for the people who make the ice at NHL arena's was quoted as saying "Yippee".
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
ERA of 7-11
After paying over $100 million for Dice-K the Boston Red Sox are now rolling craps!
Lawyer Paul Kelly has been nominated for the position of Director of the NHLPA. The announcement was made by outgoing Director Ted Saskin who said he read it in an email. TSN talking head Gord Miller immediately phoned Gary Bettman and offered to provide inside information on Paul in the best interest of the game.
Unable to come to an agreement the National Lacrosse League has suspended the upcoming season. In order to avoid penalties with their broadcast partner the NLL will instead air re-runs of last season because no one watched that one either.
Anaheim Ducks forward Todd Bertuzzi is out for an indefinite period with a concussion. Doctors say it is hard to determine when Todd will be back as the damage is obscured by natural dementia. Asked to comment former Colorado Rockies forward Steve Moore says he hope Todd will resume playing soon so he can earn enough to pay him in the upcoming civil lawsuit.
Former New York Mets clubhouse attendant Kirk Radomski has spilled the beans to investigators fingering past and present baseball players that received supplements and steroids. According to Radomiski he had given players enough to last until the first week in September.
Two accomplices in the OJ Simpson memorabilia robbery trial have agreed to plead guilty and receive lesser sentences in return for helping prosecutors in their case against OJ. The defendants were offered lesser jail time, a choice of locations and a couple of really sweet early OJ trading cards. In hopes lighting will strike twice OJ jumped into a white Ford Bronco and threatened tow write all over himself with a magic marker.
Lawyer Paul Kelly has been nominated for the position of Director of the NHLPA. The announcement was made by outgoing Director Ted Saskin who said he read it in an email. TSN talking head Gord Miller immediately phoned Gary Bettman and offered to provide inside information on Paul in the best interest of the game.
Unable to come to an agreement the National Lacrosse League has suspended the upcoming season. In order to avoid penalties with their broadcast partner the NLL will instead air re-runs of last season because no one watched that one either.
Anaheim Ducks forward Todd Bertuzzi is out for an indefinite period with a concussion. Doctors say it is hard to determine when Todd will be back as the damage is obscured by natural dementia. Asked to comment former Colorado Rockies forward Steve Moore says he hope Todd will resume playing soon so he can earn enough to pay him in the upcoming civil lawsuit.
Former New York Mets clubhouse attendant Kirk Radomski has spilled the beans to investigators fingering past and present baseball players that received supplements and steroids. According to Radomiski he had given players enough to last until the first week in September.
Two accomplices in the OJ Simpson memorabilia robbery trial have agreed to plead guilty and receive lesser sentences in return for helping prosecutors in their case against OJ. The defendants were offered lesser jail time, a choice of locations and a couple of really sweet early OJ trading cards. In hopes lighting will strike twice OJ jumped into a white Ford Bronco and threatened tow write all over himself with a magic marker.
Monday, October 15, 2007
TSN-The Snitch Network
Saskatoon is in the midst of a baby boom and officials say it could be due to a blizzard 9 months ago, an economic upturn or a promotional visit by Travis Henry.
Calgary Stampeders Henry Burris came back from a separated shoulder to throw for 400 yards in a win over the Winnipeg Blue Bombers. Henry says he credits his quick recovery with exceptional conditioning, a God gifted ability to recover and the realization he is in his option year. I found it a little suspicious that Henry had such a great game the day before Calgary votes for their new Mayor.
A brawl between Saskatchewan Roughriders and Hamilton Tiger Cats players has the CFL looking to crack down hard. Officials are considering fines, suspensions or requiring the Hamilton players to sign up with the team for next year.
Watching the guy try to kick a field goal for $1 million dollars of Wendy’s money reminded me why you shouldn’t kick with cowboy boots on. The people at Wendy’s were obviously hesitant as they had given out $1 million before but really calling a time out just before he kicked seemed petty.
After playing a game in a torrential down pour it is clear that the Colorado Rockies can not only walk on water but hit and pitch as well.
Boston-based lawyer Paul Kelly is the favorite to land the new position of the head of the NHLPA. This is despite the help from Gary Bettman who offered his suggestions to the hiring committee including Barry Bendover, Freddie Foldalot and Harry Handitover.
A report says that Gord Miller a talking head with TSN leaked information on dissident members of the NHLPA to Bill Daley a member of the NHL. In his defense Miller says he had to do it or they threatened to give him a haircut like Rod Smith.
I was a little suspicious when Gord Miller had 3000 friends on Facebook and they all had email address in the NHL offices. If he really wanted to be a snitch why not take a job with the New England Patriots? Now at least I understand his latest story “Gary Bettman God or Just God’s Gift to Sport”. Millers actions have called into question the reporting practices of TSN which will now look to make a name change to "The Snitch Network".
The NLL is headed for a strike that could turf the season. The sticking point is salaries when it was shown a player could get paid more to be hit over the head with a stick from a nursing home.
In a bizarre scene at Yankee stadium George Steinbrenner fired himself and was immediately re-hired by his clone. Sources say George quit because he was tired of losing and will now funnel his efforts into winning the Iraq war.
Calgary Stampeders Henry Burris came back from a separated shoulder to throw for 400 yards in a win over the Winnipeg Blue Bombers. Henry says he credits his quick recovery with exceptional conditioning, a God gifted ability to recover and the realization he is in his option year. I found it a little suspicious that Henry had such a great game the day before Calgary votes for their new Mayor.
A brawl between Saskatchewan Roughriders and Hamilton Tiger Cats players has the CFL looking to crack down hard. Officials are considering fines, suspensions or requiring the Hamilton players to sign up with the team for next year.
Watching the guy try to kick a field goal for $1 million dollars of Wendy’s money reminded me why you shouldn’t kick with cowboy boots on. The people at Wendy’s were obviously hesitant as they had given out $1 million before but really calling a time out just before he kicked seemed petty.
After playing a game in a torrential down pour it is clear that the Colorado Rockies can not only walk on water but hit and pitch as well.
Boston-based lawyer Paul Kelly is the favorite to land the new position of the head of the NHLPA. This is despite the help from Gary Bettman who offered his suggestions to the hiring committee including Barry Bendover, Freddie Foldalot and Harry Handitover.
A report says that Gord Miller a talking head with TSN leaked information on dissident members of the NHLPA to Bill Daley a member of the NHL. In his defense Miller says he had to do it or they threatened to give him a haircut like Rod Smith.
I was a little suspicious when Gord Miller had 3000 friends on Facebook and they all had email address in the NHL offices. If he really wanted to be a snitch why not take a job with the New England Patriots? Now at least I understand his latest story “Gary Bettman God or Just God’s Gift to Sport”. Millers actions have called into question the reporting practices of TSN which will now look to make a name change to "The Snitch Network".
The NLL is headed for a strike that could turf the season. The sticking point is salaries when it was shown a player could get paid more to be hit over the head with a stick from a nursing home.
In a bizarre scene at Yankee stadium George Steinbrenner fired himself and was immediately re-hired by his clone. Sources say George quit because he was tired of losing and will now funnel his efforts into winning the Iraq war.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Soup's On
First Ben Rothisberger, has a terrible year then Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb is injured for most of a year and now running back Lawrence Taylor is starting poor. Do you think there is a jinx on athletes who are in Cambells Soup Commercials?
What is it with the Toronto Maple Leafs media overreaction to every play? If the goalie makes the save his is a Vesizna Trophy candidate if he is scored on his mother obviously used crack during his pregnancy.
With Number 1 LSU losing to Kentucky College Football is thinking of scrapping the way it determines rankings in favour of something radical like actual game success.
After Game 1 of the American League Series you wonder why Cleveland bothered to show up to win game 2. The media was so full of praise for the Boston Red Sox you would think they were the NY Yankees.
Archeologists have discovered 10000 year old drawings in a cave that prove conclusively just who developed the Tampa Two defensive scheme.
After all the troubles with chemical spills and worry about poisoning is the Skeleton really the best sponsorship option for Dow Chemicals?
Some BC Lions players were questioning why the Edmonton Eskimos would water their grass field so late in the season. Turns out they were just preparing the team for a slide out of the playoff run.
The NBA has opened it’s pre season in Europe and early indications are they are pleased with the reception, the crows and the lax laws around gunplay.
With father 9 times over Travis Henry of the Denver Broncos testing positive for marijuana I think this dispels the myth one and for all as to weather the drug is a performance enhancer. With 9 mouths to feed surely Henry can be forgiven for wanting to tune out.
What is it with the Toronto Maple Leafs media overreaction to every play? If the goalie makes the save his is a Vesizna Trophy candidate if he is scored on his mother obviously used crack during his pregnancy.
With Number 1 LSU losing to Kentucky College Football is thinking of scrapping the way it determines rankings in favour of something radical like actual game success.
After Game 1 of the American League Series you wonder why Cleveland bothered to show up to win game 2. The media was so full of praise for the Boston Red Sox you would think they were the NY Yankees.
Archeologists have discovered 10000 year old drawings in a cave that prove conclusively just who developed the Tampa Two defensive scheme.
After all the troubles with chemical spills and worry about poisoning is the Skeleton really the best sponsorship option for Dow Chemicals?
Some BC Lions players were questioning why the Edmonton Eskimos would water their grass field so late in the season. Turns out they were just preparing the team for a slide out of the playoff run.
The NBA has opened it’s pre season in Europe and early indications are they are pleased with the reception, the crows and the lax laws around gunplay.
With father 9 times over Travis Henry of the Denver Broncos testing positive for marijuana I think this dispels the myth one and for all as to weather the drug is a performance enhancer. With 9 mouths to feed surely Henry can be forgiven for wanting to tune out.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Wooden it be Nice?
The Philadelphia Flyers are being compared to the Broad Street Bullies of the ‘70’s with the only difference being they are getting suspended so much. It’s more like the Street Clothes Bullies.
Hockey stick maker Sher-Wood is closing it’s plant because despite all the headlines players are laying on the lumber less.
Ticket Prices for the Vancouver Olympics have been announced and give a new meaning to BC, Bring Cash. The Americans were fine with the prices until they found out the tickets were in Canadian dollars.
Michelle Wie recently celebrated a birthday but was a bit embarrassed when she was unable to make a cut on the cake. Wie hopes that her game will improve now that she is no longer forced to use the kiddies caddy.
The Senate Committee investigation into the use of steroids in baseball is going to name names. This is causing players to re-think their off season conditioning programs and warn fans not to inflate their expectations. In a related story Balco makers of the clear steroid are suing Hockey Night in Canada for using their trademark “He Shoots, He Scores”.
The National Lacrosse League is in danger of canceling its season in a dispute with the players union. The two sides are stuck on the most contentious issue, free parking.
The New York Jets wore the uniforms they did when they were called the Titans. A spokesman for the Jets say they hope to wear other throwback jerseys including the Gladiators, the Mongols and the Turks.
Hockey stick maker Sher-Wood is closing it’s plant because despite all the headlines players are laying on the lumber less.
Ticket Prices for the Vancouver Olympics have been announced and give a new meaning to BC, Bring Cash. The Americans were fine with the prices until they found out the tickets were in Canadian dollars.
Michelle Wie recently celebrated a birthday but was a bit embarrassed when she was unable to make a cut on the cake. Wie hopes that her game will improve now that she is no longer forced to use the kiddies caddy.
The Senate Committee investigation into the use of steroids in baseball is going to name names. This is causing players to re-think their off season conditioning programs and warn fans not to inflate their expectations. In a related story Balco makers of the clear steroid are suing Hockey Night in Canada for using their trademark “He Shoots, He Scores”.
The National Lacrosse League is in danger of canceling its season in a dispute with the players union. The two sides are stuck on the most contentious issue, free parking.
The New York Jets wore the uniforms they did when they were called the Titans. A spokesman for the Jets say they hope to wear other throwback jerseys including the Gladiators, the Mongols and the Turks.
Friday, October 12, 2007
Ships Ahoe
With the problems surrounding lead based products in China no wonder Yao Ming is so reluctant to spend time in the paint.
A recent Poll found people in Saskatchewan were happier than in other Provinces. Sources say the Poll was biased as it was conducted after a Saskatchewan Roughrider win.
There is a simple remedy for all the stick swinging in the NHL, outlaw golfing in the off season. Players are just confused what sport they are playing.
After losing a game 7-1 and then winning the next game 8-1 it appears the Toronto Maple Leafs have added another illness to their list this season Bi-Polar Disorder.
AC Milan Goalie Dida was suspended for 2 games after faking an injury. Officials with Professional soccer were incensed saying if every soccer player who faked and injury was suspended there would be no one left. A furious Dida lashed into the officials in a tirade but was later called out for using cue cards during the rant.
Andy Murray now says there is no problem with fixing of matches in Tennis. He just said there was as part of a bet.
Dallas Cowboys coach Wade Phillips says he doesn’t remember saying the New England Patriots championships were tainted by the spy scandal. This was quickly refuted by Patriots coach Bill Billichick who then offered to show tapes of the comments.
Denver Bronco’s running back Travis Henry is suing the NFL for the right to have his expert present during the evaluation of his “B” sample on suspicion of marijuana use. Although the NFL grants the person is an expert they still are refusing admittance to Snoop Dogg.
Two members of the Minnesota Vikings got into a scuffle that included a chair being thrown. Tempers were cooled off when the players agreed to share the captions duties aboard the next team bonding cruise.
A recent Poll found people in Saskatchewan were happier than in other Provinces. Sources say the Poll was biased as it was conducted after a Saskatchewan Roughrider win.
There is a simple remedy for all the stick swinging in the NHL, outlaw golfing in the off season. Players are just confused what sport they are playing.
After losing a game 7-1 and then winning the next game 8-1 it appears the Toronto Maple Leafs have added another illness to their list this season Bi-Polar Disorder.
AC Milan Goalie Dida was suspended for 2 games after faking an injury. Officials with Professional soccer were incensed saying if every soccer player who faked and injury was suspended there would be no one left. A furious Dida lashed into the officials in a tirade but was later called out for using cue cards during the rant.
Andy Murray now says there is no problem with fixing of matches in Tennis. He just said there was as part of a bet.
Dallas Cowboys coach Wade Phillips says he doesn’t remember saying the New England Patriots championships were tainted by the spy scandal. This was quickly refuted by Patriots coach Bill Billichick who then offered to show tapes of the comments.
Denver Bronco’s running back Travis Henry is suing the NFL for the right to have his expert present during the evaluation of his “B” sample on suspicion of marijuana use. Although the NFL grants the person is an expert they still are refusing admittance to Snoop Dogg.
Two members of the Minnesota Vikings got into a scuffle that included a chair being thrown. Tempers were cooled off when the players agreed to share the captions duties aboard the next team bonding cruise.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Fire on Ice
Calgary Stampeders coach Tom Higgins says he hated letting quarterback Akili Smith go as he was a complete player who just couldn’t complete a pass.
After playing his first two NHL games with a broken foot and scoring a goal and registering an assist St. Louis Blues defenseman Erik Johnson will be listed as day to day to give the rest of the league a chance to catch up. In a related story the Toronto Maple Leafs are said to be interested in acquiring him to add to their injured reserve team.
Chris Chelios of the Detroit Red Wings says a TV deal is the reason the Red Wings are no longer selling out the Joe Louis Arena. Chelios says when he broke into the league there was no TV which helped to get people to the games.
Calgay Flames star Jerome Iginla is one of the new owners of the Kamloops Blazers of the WHL. Iginla says he can now look foreword to playoff hockey even if the Flames fail to win a game this year.
An Alberta company has invented a hockey skate that has a built in heater to warm up the skate making it glide over the ice easier. The heat is generated from a battery which conveniently allows them to hook up their I-Pod.
Cyclist Floyd Landis is appealing his conviction on steroid use to the Circuit Court but might not be up on the whole process saying he would like to take a spin around it.
Aging athletes have to make a living and so I guess it would be no surprise to see Evander Holyfield being sponsored by Depends.
After playing his first two NHL games with a broken foot and scoring a goal and registering an assist St. Louis Blues defenseman Erik Johnson will be listed as day to day to give the rest of the league a chance to catch up. In a related story the Toronto Maple Leafs are said to be interested in acquiring him to add to their injured reserve team.
Chris Chelios of the Detroit Red Wings says a TV deal is the reason the Red Wings are no longer selling out the Joe Louis Arena. Chelios says when he broke into the league there was no TV which helped to get people to the games.
Calgay Flames star Jerome Iginla is one of the new owners of the Kamloops Blazers of the WHL. Iginla says he can now look foreword to playoff hockey even if the Flames fail to win a game this year.
An Alberta company has invented a hockey skate that has a built in heater to warm up the skate making it glide over the ice easier. The heat is generated from a battery which conveniently allows them to hook up their I-Pod.
Cyclist Floyd Landis is appealing his conviction on steroid use to the Circuit Court but might not be up on the whole process saying he would like to take a spin around it.
Aging athletes have to make a living and so I guess it would be no surprise to see Evander Holyfield being sponsored by Depends.
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