Cougar paints the lines

Mike Weir was selected for the Presidents Cup team despite having an off year. Team captain Gary Player said in defense of his pick “we were a little weak on the left side”. Stephen Ames who is having a better year than Mike was overlooked for fear he might say something to make Tiger Woods mad.

After beating tennis giants Roger Federer, Rafael Nadal and Andy Roddick to win the Rogers Cup Novak Djokovic then went out and cut down the beanstalk with an overhand and slew Goliath with a passing shot.

In an effort to woo more stars to the Rogers Cup women’s tournament organizers are offering facials and massages. If that doesn’t work next year the event is hoping to get Mike Holmes to do a renovation of their houses.

So as not to violate his restraining order Pacman Jones did not do any wrestling during Sundays TNA Event but still no word on why the rest of the performers followed suit.

After losing 5 of the first 6 games Hamilton Tiger Cats coach Charlie Taaffe said “if God gives you lemons it doesn’t mean you have to suck”.

After suffering his second concussion Edmonton Eskimos guard Lefsrud says if he gets one more he will have to switch to quarterback.

It turns out the recent sale of the Tampa Bay Lightening was just a throw in for the surrounding real estate deal. No word on if the new developers are going to install Condo’s in the luxury suites, but the sales brochure features a great ice maker.

Pakistan squash legend Jahangir Kahn has been awarded a doctorate in philosophy from the London Metropolitan University by answering the question “Who are we?” to both the University and the representatives choosing new Olympic sports. Personally giving Kahn a degree sounds like an online racquet.

I’m not sure if the Beijing Olympic officials get the point when they agreed to take 1.3 million cars off the road to improve air quality but replaced them with trucks. Just in case the air quality has not improved officials have resorted to plan B which involves making up 1 million fortune cookies that say “don’t breathe”. At least it has answered the question of why Chinese people bow and that is to find some breathable air.

Yao Ming is practicing to light the Olympic torch but hasn’t yet determined if he will do a fade away jumper or the flashier reverse jam.

After receiving a hairline fracture of his left leg Manchester United striker Wayne Rooney was approached by the Los Angles Galaxy to sit on the bench with David Beckham until he gets well.

In a surprise announcement Environment Canada has downgraded Canada’s World Cup soccer chances from endangered to extinct. In good news the success of the reality show “Age of Love” has seen a surge in the number of Cougar sittings especially around tennis courts.

After being forced to sit out for a couple of months due to injury I wonder if David Beckham’s new fragrance will smell a bit like pine.