Consonant Courting

Looking at the names in the Rogers Cup it’s tough to tell if it is a tennis tournament or an extreme spelling bee.

Barry Bonds has hired lawyers to defend him against slander from people who attribute words to him or say they have first hand knowledge about his alleged steroid use or tax evasion. The first subjects of his suit are the Senate and Internal Revenue Service. Bond has hired some of the best lawyers available that are willing to be paid in autographed balls.

Kia Vaughn a member of the Rutgers basketball team has filed suit against announcer Don Imus claiming damage done to her character. Her lawyer says this is about Ms. Vaughn’s good name and is also suing Honda for making the Kia car which has ruined her driving experience and Kia Asamiya a Japanese magna artist for making her unable to enjoy comics.

I have a suggestion for the NFL as they try to deal with the escalating number of concussions. Create a chinstrap that doesn’t come off when it is hit. The helmets pop off easier than Alan Iverson talking about practice.

The NFL has prepared a pamphlet on concussions which is double spaced so players with blurred vision can read it easier.

Florida A&M University fired basketball coach Mike Gillespie after he was charged with stalking. In his defense Mr. Gillespie said “I just followed the scouting rulebook for recuiting freshman”.

A study by prominent University professors says umpires are likely to give players of the same etnic race a break on close calls. The only player not affected by this ruling was Roger Clemmons who is entitled to the same latitude you give your grandpa.

NASCAR on behalf of Sprint Nextel has won a ruling which will allow them to keep AT&T from putting it’s logo on Jeff Burton’s car. AT&T is planning an appeal saying they received a poor reception from the court.

There have been reports of failed drug tests at the World University Games, the results of which are being withheld until they find someone who actually passed their test.

Tiger Woods new golf course in North Carolina will not allow the use of carts because he doesn’t want people to lose touch with what is really important in golf, the chance to have someone carry your bag.

Brett Favre was frustrated with his offense in their pre season game against Pittsburgh. “Knowing I only have 8 or 9 pre seasons left in me, it’s important to get them right.”